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Life Lately: A Little Update.

Saturday 9 July 2016
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post but I've been feeling a little shitty about a few things recently and writing a post feels very therapeutic sometimes, so that's what i'm going to do.

Life Lately: A Little Update. chat chatty wedding catch up stress


I've felt really stressed out and 'on edge' recently, I've never been to the doctors or really thought I suffer with anxiety but recently I've been feeling really on edge, like I'm balancing on the edge of something that some days feels too much and other days I can just about cope with.

The main focus of my stress is money, I've spoken a little about our money situation in this post about living on a budget, we are getting married at the end of October this year and it's quite literally taking all of our money to pay for it. At least twice a week I go over everything for our budget and nothing ever changes, it's costing a fortune and sometimes I honestly believe we won't afford it. The stress of worrying over every single little thing that comes out of the bank and thinking about everything that could go wrong between now and October pretty much takes up all of my head space. We're both just exhausted from worrying, worrying about money, worrying about not being able to afford it and some of the time it takes over so much that we just think 'what are we doing?'.

This makes me sad, I can't wait to marry Nick, I really can't but sometimes the stress of everything just tops that excitement and fear and panic takes over instead. There have been times when we've honestly just thought about forgetting all about it and running off and getting married on our own but then the logic returns and we change our minds all over again, of course we want our parents and friends there.

I have to admit one of the things that are getting me through is Christmas, I love Christmas and the thought of us having money again and being able to buy each other presents and eat amazing food really helps me. We've even discussed finally getting a puppy! I know people reading this will be like 'surely getting married to the love of your life will make it all worth it?!' and yes, 100% of course it will be, but when all of your stress revolves around wedding thoughts, sometimes it's nice to have things to look forward to that aren't about the wedding.

Last month I had the contraceptive implant, I'm going to write a post about this at some point, but basically I was always forgetting to take my pill and I certainly don't want children any time soon. However I think it's also playing havoc with my hormones which certainly doesn't help when I'm trying not to lose my shit constantly. I've been having some serious back and chest acne appear out of no-where, which I think is stress related but this just adds to the worry of 'how will my wedding dress look' and 'will people notice' and bleerge.

I guess this post is basically just me telling myself that it's totally okay to be stressed out about everything to do with weddings. So many people think it's all fairy lights and cake and pretty dresses and you know what, it is, but it's also laced with panic and worries about self consciousness and ultimately what makes you, as a couple, happy. I have no doubt in my mind about marrying Nick, but being able to talk about all the things that terrify me helps.

I'm terrified of having our photograph taken all day, I'm terrified of all the attention being on us, as we are both very introverted people. I'm terrified about my make-up, my hair, my dress, what if on the day I feel like shit and will be captured in photographs this way forever more. I'm terrified of speaking my vows in front of people because I basically have word dyslexia and always mess up something. I know all of these fears are irrational and I'm sure on the day none of that stuff will matter but it's all there swimming around in my brain waiting to seep out when I'm feeling low.

But then on other days I push that all to the back of my mind and know that I'm excited, I'm excited about celebrating with all our friends and family and to drink and dance and have fun and those days are the days that I'm trying to cling onto at the minute. And that in 3 and a half months time it'll all be done and we'll be looking over the photos, laughing and smiling and reading cards of love and congratulations.

Well, that escalated quickly didn't it? ha! I guess I just needed to get some things off my chest. Hopefully I'm not the only one out there that feels this way sometimes and maybe now I've let it out, my mind can rest a little and relax.

I really hope that when it comes to my next wedding update post I have a few of these things sorted and not plaguing my mind.

Thanks for listening,



7 comments on "Life Lately: A Little Update."
  1. such an honest post, i hope writing your worries down has helped at least a little!
    please remember that your wedding needs to be an enjoyable experience, not just the day but the whole run-up to it and although i get there's a LOT of stress about money, it might help to take a step back sometimes and remember the reason you both decided to plan it in the first place. always make it about yourself, who cares about being photographed all day, you will look fantastic and are guaranteed to have some photos at the end of it that you'll absolutely love and treasure.
    lots of love and positive vibes for the future!

    leanne x

    www.thedressdiaries.co.uk

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  2. Awe this is so sweet! I'm sure weddings would be super stressful and your mind I know is FULL of anxiety, but that's okay. Let is be, and keep working towards your goal- I'm sure you don't want to let anxiety overwhelm you on this one. I mean, you're getting married! Lucky you :) I'm sure you'll look stunning as well, lovely xx

    Kyia at WANDERLUSTGIRL// lifestyle & beauty
    Follow me via BLOGLOVIN

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  3. Wish I could hug you! Aww darling it'll all be worth it in the end, you will have a fantastic day! And I feel so sorry for you, as the stress must be crazy! <3 Sending lots of love xx

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  4. Love reading these posts they show the real side to bloggers and make you feel like you get to know a person a bit more.
    Big virtual hug Hun. Me and my partner have been together 7 years and have decided we can't even get engaged at the moment as know we wouldn't be able to afford wedding and the pressure will be greater if we get engaged

    It will all turn out amazing tho Hun wait and see
    Carrieanne x
    Beautiesunlocked.com

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  5. Aww. I can kind of relate - although I've only just started planning, and saving for, our wedding I sometimes get hit with this wall of panic about how much there is to organise, how much it's all going to cost. It is terrifying, and no one who hasn't been through it themselves will understand. But it'll be so worth it in the end. I hope you are starting to feel a little better lovely. x www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

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  6. Awhhhhhh sending big hugs Hun it's natural to feel all the feelings you are ! You wouldn't be human if you didn't ! It's freaking me out the thought of the attention is just going to be on me and my partner ! It's scary !! But honestly once it's done it will be worth it and youl look back and think why was I like this ! Big hugs :)

    https://onoitafashiondesign.wordpress.com

    Love Nat

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  7. Ah, I'm sorry things have been so rubbish lately! I hope writing it all out helped a little in the end.

    I can't imagine the wedding worries. My husband and I chose to elope. We had one discussion about guest lists, venues, food, money, flowers and all that "wedding shizz" and just said no. There was no way I was going to spend my savings or every penny I had left on a wedding. We already had a holiday planned to NYC so we just got married there. It cost us about 100 dollars in the end. I wouldn't have it any other way. I think it's unrealistic the amount of pressure and money people think they need to spend on a wedding.

    I'd totally run off and get married somewhere! Then have a nice meal or something with your favourite people when you get back. A wedding should be fun, be about the love you share together and be a day to remember because it was happy. Not because you almost had a melt down about the flowers.

    But that's just my thoughts, and I have very few family and friends (read: none) that I'd have wanted to invite anyway.

    But the option is there even for you guys :)

    I think those people who think it's will be worth it are wrong. I love my husband dearly, but marrying him would never be worth £10,000 (or whatever people pay these days)... he feels the same to. Comments like that usually come from the people that aren't shelling out that kind of money in the first place.

    I think I just rambled on there. I apologise, but I guess I'm quite passionate about weddings and the unrealistic expectations of them.

    I am sure you will have an amazing day, and it will be worth it.

    ~ K

    www.lifeasunusuals.com

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